Ohh, that kind of anger.

I haven’t had the violent anger in a while.

I mean, I’m sure it’s been there I’ve just been better at keeping it squished down.

It really did catch me off guard.

I was feeling out of sort, the shift had happened. I wasn’t taking deep breaths. I’d been cycling through what might have been happening.

Was it one thing? Or a combination of little things.

And then my phone wouldn’t do something.

So I hit my phone.

Hard, several times in a row.

So what you say? It’s only a phone.

Sure that is.

But it represents so much more.

Not the phone - but what happened.

It is the reminder that there is a part of me that can just take over and seem to lose all contact with reality. It’s just fixated on expressing a deep seeded hurt. It wants to do harm. It wasn’t to punish. It wants to demand submission.

It’s a moment of knowing I am no different from any one who does cause others harm.

We all have that within us.

We are all capable of doing those things we judge others for.