Oh you’re a little fiery aren’t you?

I noticed it.

I wondered if it meant I was about to hit the PMDD wave. But then I seemed to handle things pretty well after that. Until I got out of the movie. The familiar feeling of being uncomfortable in my own skin. Itchy. Like there was energy to burn but no energy to actually do anything. I know this pattern. The sugar craving kicked in. The brain started to race at 100000000 km per hour.

I went and got some lollies. And and ice block. Maybe I’m just overheating?

A walk by the river/creek. I wasn’t there. My head wasn’t in that. I was on my phone. My body was there but my soul was somewhere else.

I know, I’ll put my feet in the water - cool myself of. Do a reset.

That helped a touch.

Then I got home -not feeling the best but not horrible. I did some things I wanted to get done - except the dishes. That felt like a mountain with no top.

Scrolling.

One hour gone.

A hit of tiredness. A sense of overwhelm. A sense of tears. A busy brain. I want to explode. Have a tantrum almost.

Bed - no other option. Just go to bed. Turn off the alarm.

11 hours.

I’m back three steps. It’s better but I’m not back to free and flowing. My Sense Maker has been trying so hard to work out what caused it? what happened? Why? how did this happen? if we know what caused it we can stop it happening again? We can fix this.

I did the dishes. They annoyed me so much. EVERY LITTLE BIT. The spoon drops, the thing won’t stack.

I got up three times trying to write this.

I was thinking last night - can I have a ritual of some kind to invite it on it? what can represent it? what can help it be with me but not me?