Let us live.

This feels insanely frustrating to me.

This afternoon has been a bit more of a rollercoaster.

I want to blame the two gins I had last night.

I know alcohol has this effect on me.

And also I think there is more to this.

Is this a reason for my parts to live?

Is this the valid reason they have to express themselves?

The part of me that shames any other parts from having an expression.

To not be evenly keeled,  balanced, level headed is to fail.

It is to BE a failure.

Having expression is forbidden.

But the time is here. To step forward I will need to have expression.

I will need to be all angles. Move in many ways to catch the light (and make the sparkle).

>>I’m also really sad and hurting that when I shared some stuff with some people they didn't check out.<<

Parts taking this time to come up.

I don't feel seen.

I feel falsely put on a pedestal.

I watch people didn't want to become the thing they have become. My parts hear that as 'we can't want'. We have to 'get there by accident', pretend we don’t want that.

My parts often make it really hard for me to just be. To just do life. To not analyze over every single thought, position, thing I say or do. Every movement I make.

No wonder life has felt so hard for me. No wonder I've been so tired.

I just want to be.

I want to do things without analysis.