If nothing is coming up, I’m hiding.

And to think I was worried that after a big emotional process, a deep healing of some wounding, and the nurturing to care for myself in the days that followed, that I then wouldn’t be able to write with emotion again.

Coming to believe that writing with emotion was only reserved for those deep, intense wounds.

And of course, as I got closer, things shut up: I was just scrolling socials for 5 min.

I hear the voice - this isn’t as good as the last one. You can’t be consistent. You’re not feeling this. This won’t move others as much.

And so I want to avoid. I want to shut down. Hide. Runaway. Do anything but this.

But what if I could just sit with this for a few seconds? Moments?

Let’s not try for minutes at this stage 😂

What if I could gently turn back towards this sense of panic. This narrative in my mind which is telling me how things NEED to be. How things SHOULD be if I am to be successful. If this is to be good.

What if I could find out what this voice is trying to tell me? What it hopes to achieve by not having me try doing this again?

I don’t have answers right now. I can’t make this part answer this for me.

But I can move with the intention to be kind. To not push it away. But also not let it take over.

It can be here. But I will no longer let it take me over.