Working backwards

I have to start backwards - I can’t just go right in.

I have to start with the Parts of me that want to analyse why and how.

Which way should I do this. That questions how others do this? What wants to know the RIGHT way to do this. But then is caught up in the narrative that it doesn’t matter what the right way is, what’s the best way for me.

And it’s all probably a distraction.

To avoid me going to what I need to go to.

AND it’s still valid to think about these things.

I guess it’s about it being valid but not being everything. Not fully taking over.

I notice the 7th. The panic sets in, asking ‘what have I done?”, telling me I won’t get it done. That I can’t make it.

This is when I really do want to go back to the ‘old ways’. Where I shove it all down. Because this is not helpful.

Somethings just aren’t helpful. There is a difference between acknowledging that things ARE, and that something is WELCOME. This is not welcome. I can accept that it is. But it’s not welcome. Welcoming it is giving it too much space.

Ah, IFS would just say ‘what part of you doesn’t want to give it space’.

And sure that might work IN SESSION. I think that is valid.

BUT when it comes to live - we actually have to live.

And getting deeply sucked into this idea that this stuff needs space all the time is going against some facts of life.

And I still haven’t got to what even triggered all this.

Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore. Maybe that’s not the point?