We firing tonight.

It does often happen after a sauna.

But then I also wonder if it’s because I am playing with my progesterone?

Or because I was feeling good today? Thinking I might even be ‘healed’.

Or is it because I had something to drink last night.

Or was I triggered thinking about money?

My Fuck It part hasn’t been out in a while.

The part of me that just does not care - follows impulse. Follows what feels good.

Follows curiosity.

Isn’t trapped by all the rules.

One part is saying this part need a good ‘run’ sometimes. But also, why not just let this part out more?

This port is going down well easy.

Did you know I like port?

Which part of me is finally out and able to like port?

Oh the rules I have lived by.

Something in the astrology was about what am I letting go of in order to have freedom?

Well a few to-do’s have been taken off the list.

Tomorrow will hurt with that pour.

Ooh the shame that creeps up that I could be like this. That I could do this.

So many people now don’t drink. When I want to.

Am I blended?

I think I have strong self energy.

Does thinking mean that I am not?

This is endless. This can go on for ages.

Do others experience this?

Is this what it’s like to be in other’s brains? Or just mine?

This isn’t even the half of it. Because I can’t type fast enough.

See and now I feel clamer.

But I don’t want to feel calmer. The point of this life isn’t to feel calm.

This is what part of me really doesn’t link about IFS - because the qualities of the 8 C’s are still of a nature which shames and does not allow other behaviours.

How can I be in Self and still feel these other ways?

It doesn’t seem like real acceptance to me if there isn’t a way that I can be in Self AND have these other experiences.

Also I have really been thinking about how we are not passive to our parts. But that we can harness them to do what we want. To get where we want. To achieve what we want.

There are still parts that hold back.

Parts that won’t share here.

That’s ok. I respect them.

They may never want to. And they don’t have to.

Oh and I’m so annoyed at my upset stomach - legit I am so over feeling like this. This constant stomach issues. And bloody sinuses.

They must be linked.

I’ve been here before. This was me for a lot of last year.

This intensity is less. Sure.

But we are still back here.

Like a spiral I guess.

Well that’s fucking annoying - how do I get three more spirals up?