People just leave you behind

People just leave you behind if you’re not ready.

I don’t see one stand out moment.

I see a compilation. They all blur into one.

That if I wasn’t ready. They just went on.

As within, so without.

And so it feels that, if I’m not ready, others just leave without you.

I’ve tested. I’ve tried. I’ve tantrumed.

Some have loved me on the way though.

The rest, just leave you behind.

I sense the little one. The hurting one. The one who just wants a moment. Wants to go at her own pace.

Who just wants someone to, pause, turn back, come back, kneel down

look me in the eyes and say - what’s up? what’s happening for you? what do you need?

To which I would respond.

I just need to go in my own time. I need you to not leave me behind. Not walk in front like I’m always trying to catch up.

I just need you beside me. I need to go my own way.

I hear the voices say - but you can’t that’s not how it works. Sometimes life just happens.

Yes sometimes it does.

But this is my world. I get to have what I want.

And I want to stand here until I am ready. I want to wait until the moment comes.

Until the courage is there.

Until the calm is there.

I want control of the step.

Be it with tentative care or courageous gusto.

But it is mine to take in the way I want.