Just Done
Sadly not in the good way. Not in the positive “I’ve just finished a task” way.
Just Done as in “I”m just done with this”.
Just Done shows up pretty often now. But I don’t really know her.
She showed up just now and I hung up on someone on the phone.
Rightfully so, Guilt has shown up to tell me that that behaviour is not aligned to our values and how we want to be in the world.
Shame is trying to get a look in too. She’s saying that I’m broken - there is no coming back from this. This is why I can’t have what I want in life.
Guilt however, wants to have a calmer discussion. She’s curious - she’s asking: what can we do to repair this? what do we need to know about Just Done so she doesn’t come barging in like this so often? She’s about options. Choices. She sees that it can be different next time. She believes in me. She has faith and hope.
Guilt notes that Just Done only really started hanging around once the burnout started. From when it all became too much.
I turn to Just Done and ask her what she came into do?
She looks at me softly, with gentle loving eyes and says “because I wanted to stop it all being too much for you”.
I see her now. Like not just see that she is there. But I see her - I see into what she wants for me. She wants to keep me safe.
I ask her how she sees me. She says I’m tired. I’m exhausted. My strength is low.
I ask her how old she thinks I am? She says I am 27.
I look at her with love; I understand.
I tell her I am 31 now. I am fit. I am strong. I have a magical community that nourishes me. I show her times when I have been out and doing hard things - with ease and joy. Where I have made it through hard times with grace.
I thank her. She has indeed served me. She has kept out out of situations that could have escalated. My wish for her is that she can still help me with that. But what she wants to do is fully up to her.
She’s not ready; she not convinced. I tell her I will wait for her, ready to keep reassuring her I’m ok. However long it takes. My love for her is strong.