Is there always something?

Is there always something?

I made the commitment to write and be in touch with my parts for 30 days.

I haven’t done it.

I still only turn to this when the feelings are running hot. When the intensity is turned up on high.

It’s a valid strategy for me. It works.

And it goes against the wisdom - that we should only connect when there is a desire to

OMG THIS CAN FUCK RIGHT OFF

So this intrusive thought, yes I am judging it, keeps on bloody coming up. It is a repeat of one event. One piece of feedback.

And I got over the shock of the event, but since then, for at least a week now it keeps on coming back.

And legit in the middle of a thought. Just slam bash in the middle of it.

To say it’s annoying would be an understatement.

IFS would say I am speaking from parts not for them.

ACT would say that I became hooked.

MI would look blankly. Maybe acknowledge it but most likely pretend it never happened.

EFT would ask me to tap on it with an acceptance statement.

I’ve done all of them.

IFS and ACT would say that I should not be trying to get rid of it.

EFT would be happy for it to have less intensity.

Well maybe it’s not a Part but a behaviour of a Part - and all Parts are welcome but all behaviours are not.

So that behaviour is not welcome here.

I’ll hear what you have to say but not in that way.

Maybe I should pay more attention to my DID diagnosis. Long forgotten. Well long hidden away.

I mean, DID is just trauma - I wasn’t wrong.

Might explain why I just don’t get how other people’s brains work though.

But I have also really come to like my brain, when it’s not causing me too much pain. Which is a fine balance. Because it does allow me to see things in a way that I think is magical.

I mean how do we know that it’s no the other way around? What if those with DID are as they are meant to be - multiple? But those who are more ‘integrated’ are the ones who have parts who have lost their integrity and so have less ridgid boundaries?