Day ?? - 90 Days of Needs

I’ve let this drop.

It’s been a hard few days. Because me needing to firstly know my needs. And then do something about them has been front and centre.

And well some parts of me shut down to deal with this situation.

There is a part of me that really wants to heal this exile.

I know it would change my life so much.

And I know I can’t force it.

But there is a part of me that really wants it to be sorted.

If I was running a session or even in a session one way to get in touch would be to imagine a situation.

So I ask myself to think of what I want or need right now - not necessarily this exact moment but as I go into the next 4 days.

And I get a blank.

Ok I can start with that. This part does this often. Blank. It’s like, or the words I’ve out on this non-word saying part are:

• You should just know.

• I’m not going to tell you.

• It’s not my job to figure it out for you.

I’ve got a different sense now how those words are likely another part. Not some telepathy with that part.

And when writing that out I head the voice.

Just take her out.

Just give her what she needs.

Give her what you want to give her.

That feels very light to me.

BRB

I just realised that I am seeing me in the scene. I’m not in Self.

I can’t see her in the bassinet but I can feel her once I’ve picked her up.

Then I had flashbacks of being with a friend who is so very attentive to her newborn - and my experience of watching that and being confused about how she could know so much about her daughter from so very little (it seemed to me) output from her daughter.

This feels wild to me.