90 Days of Rejection
It started with a text.
A simple text asking someone if they wanted to catch up for coffee.
Four days ago I got this idea to put myself out there for 90 days. Put myself in the position to be rejected.
I hadn’t really figured it out. I didn’t really know what I was doing but I wanted to do 90 days of rejection.
I didn’t want or think I’d be rejected for 90 days. But I wanted to be in the position where it could happen.
Time to strengthen the overcoming rejection muscle.
But since then I wasn’t sure what kinds of situations I could create on a daily basis that would have me in a position of being rejected.
My brain kept ticking over.
Then, this morning, up a hill watching the sunrise I wanted a photo of myself with the sunrise.
This is a familiar conversation I have with myself.
But it happens so quick its easy to miss.
Within half a breath I’ve gone: “I want a photo”, “no it’s ok'“ I don’t do those kinds of photos”, “I’ve got some nice photos of the sunrise itself - I’ve got that for memory”.
And then I usually smile to myself, take a moment to breath in the awe of the moment and busy myself with getting on with things.
BUT today - I added a line. Out loud: “hey would you mind taking a photo of me?”
And just like that I had not only acknowledged my own needs, a need that I couldn’t meet on my own, but I has asked for it to be met.
This struck me for two reasons:
So much of my life is currently structured around an identity of not what I want but what I can meet on my own. I limit my life, my dreams, my visions, my desires, my needs around things that I can meet myself or by which I can take extremely calculated measures around others meeting them. [A.k.a Only asking for things from people that I know will be able and willing to do; having multiple back up plans for if they can’t meet those needs; where I have built up a lot of goodwill; and, as I choose to believe in the power of the subconscious end up in crisis where others feel a desire to assist and and either I don’t have to ask because people offer or because I can justify to myself asking for help.]
That what was really sitting behind the ‘issue that I can’t handle rejection’ is a deep fear of having needs that I can’t meet myself. Needs that I am reliant on others to assist me with. The ultimate in vulnerability.
And truth me told I’ve known this about myself for a few year now. I’ve been working on , chipping away at it.
This 90 days won’t radically change this.
But it all adds up.
Here’s to 90 days of rejection having needs that only others can meet and asking for them to be met.