Trigger warning.

I wish he had raped me.

Or whatever it was he did to them.

What a fucked thing to wish?

But people stop listening after you clear them of their own uncomfortable feelings.

So when your father is a pedophile and you tell them he hasn’t done that to you. They stop listening.

They act as though people have ‘all or nothing’ buttons.

They don’t stop to ask “what else?” “what else happened?”.

I mean mainly this is directed at CYFS - Fuck you.

You fucking failed.

Here I am 20+ years later still unravelling it all.

Rape fits into a nice little box.

It wraps it up in a bow.

It’s clearly wrong.

The mind fuckery before all that - is, well, mind-fuckery.

The scars you cannot see.

The shattering of a sense of Self.

The never ending self-doubt, questioning and fear.

The sense that permeates your body at all times.

That’s hard to explain because you even doubt it yourself.

Thinking, maybe I am just fucked up? maybe I am the one who is wrong.

But my darling, you cannot be wrong.

You were a baby, a child and even an adolescent.

None of this is yours.

Give it all back.

He’s already had 30+ years of your life.

Let then next 30+ be yours.