To act is to be broken.

To assert myself is to be broken.

To state my needs. To push back. To put up something that feels like it would create any pressure for anyone else is to be broken.

Even in the stories that play out in my mind. Any time I play out a situation where I do anything to assert my needs - BOOM. The defensiveness that I need to justify why I have done what I have done comes flooding in.

No wonder I live a life so hidden away. To be around others is really hard work for me.