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Anger, Shame & Hope
A mish-mash of what goes on inside my #busybrain. Welcome to a space I’ve created to befriend my anger and shame. All in the hope of living a life of joy and pleasure.
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I’m just low grade angry
It’s just there.
Like the blood in my veins. Or the air in lungs.
The anger is just there.
Always there. Around.
Sometimes it’s more noticable. Many times you’d never notice it but there is a knowing that it can’t not be there.
I could fix myself
And while I won’t look back on my teens, 20s or at this rate my 30s and remember how happy I was, how spontaneous I was or how much joy there was.
I don’t think that’s a life less lived.
Blackness All Around
I see nothing but pain. I see looking back and seeing how heavy it was. How hard it was. How unspectacular it was.
It is my burden. The cross I have to bear.
The anger is coursing today
It’s kinda annoying being human. Like there is no escape from this. This is how we are.
I notice the part that is over all this and just wants to work.
But I want this sorted for good. < A part? Ugg, see you can just go around in circles with parts like this.
I’m really angry today.
Anger wasn’t allowed for me growing up.
Unless it was about injustice.
Fight for justice. Fight for what is right.
But angry at you?
Angry at how things had gone?
Nope. None of that was allowed.
What did I have to be angry about?
“We both grew up in families where no one asked directly for what they wanted or needed. We learned to use manipulation and indirectness to get others to give us what we wanted.”