lt has been quiet..

A quiet few days.

I’d noticed. Had been on edge but mainly had felt into it.

Noticed today I was a bit more itchy. But only for split seconds. Then able to catch myself.

And just now. Notice the rejection.

Noticed that my brain had gone to extremes after listening to my horoscope. Had started running all the scenarios where things were going to go wrong. Prompt all the things that weren’t going to happen. Predict the outcome.

All based on the stars.

Now we are connected to something greater for sure. We don’t understand how it all works. That I know.

But that this weeks astrology applies to THAT specific situation.

No. That’s parts hijacking.

Noticed that I was struggling with temperature regulation. Had me all out of sorts.

Then the rejection.

Oh hello angry and defensive parts.

“fuck this town, it’s so hard to be part of this town”. I can’t even remember the rest. But it made my feel yuck. It moves a yuck energy through my body.

A sense of being despondent. Sad. Heavy. Excluded. Alone.

Broken.

Feeling sad.

A sense that this is what my life will be like forever. That there is this default wiring that cannot be undone.