It’s not arrogance, it’s disconnection

I think a better term for what people mean when they experience me is disconnection.

They can’t connect.

And they can’t connect with me because I can’t connect with me.

I don’t feel like I walk around in this world. I walk around as though I am watching myself in this world.

If I’m showing up it is with effort. With an idea of who I should be. Not who I am.

What you are sensing is the FEAR that is coursing through my veins not because I think I am better than you.

I am constantly scanning for what I am doing - is my posture right? Am I making too much eye contact? Did I laugh at the right time? To loud? Did I say the right thing? Did I make you feel validated enough? Did I hold enough boundaries? Did you see me check my phone because I am worried about missing my flight but I don’t want to brush you off to I will prioritise you first?

My “arrogance” is me trying to prioritise you.

By completely forgetting about myself,

ironically by attending to myself so much.

Because I want it to be right for you.