Am I stuck trying to solve something that doesn't need to be solved?

Ok so let's use this time to look at some things.

A pattern.

A place I am back at.

And where I do not want to be.

Because what I want appears to be on the other side.

Although is it?

Is this an illusion?

Am I stuck trying to solve something that doesn't need to be solved?

Am I looking at this from the wrong angle?

Fuck why am I not in Spain.

New life goal. Visit Spain within the next 12 months.

Own two houses by the age of 35. That's not new. But I like that one.

And a closer goal. Sort out my bike and start going on bike rides.

I do like that. I do want to do that.

Just not the super downhill stuff.

Interesting how lately I have come to the realisation that time is my abundance.

I've never understood the hang ups around money. They have never felt like mine.

But time.

Oh yes that is a heavy one for me.

I feel this deep sense of not having enough time.

While also being super clueless about how to perceive / manage / respond to time.

None of those words are accurate.

Sept means a new quarter.

I really should get goals printed for this quarter.

Ok back to where I started. Respecting the parts journey. The things they need to get off their chest.

Can I get this 30 day program recorded by the end of the month?

Absolutely.

I want to say it will take focus.

And discipline.

But it's not that.

Those are the outcomes.

What comes first?

And another side note.

My block around social media is that I am boring.

That I am not fun.

So what blocks that part of me? What stops that from coming forward?

Fear.

Shame.

They seems like obvious answers.

Answers that are a sense-making. Not a feeling.

How do I notice this block?

I feel rigid.

I feel stuck.

I feel like I am watching. I sense that I am watching.

It's like I am not there.

Still not getting to what I need to do for XX and XX. Work that need to be done.

Or understanding why I do this.

Or rather I do understand why I do this.

I am just stuck on how to fix it.

Probably back to Randi Wisdom - just get started.

Just do it.

Figure it out along the way.

But it's worse than that. I know what I need to do.

The figuring out is the fun part.

Once I have figured that out I get bored.

Now I have no interest.

Logical me says ok so turn this into a game.

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Default or nature?

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I’m just low grade angry